Today I feel slightly overwhelmed by the amount of change going on in my life, mostly due to an overhaul of the heart that Jesus has been working on in the last several weeks. I find myself seeing EVERYthing differently, and, to quote Sara Groves, "The thing I could count on, things I thought would never change, they just broke open wide."
In an attempt to quite my heart I wanted to spend some time reflecting on the things I am sure of, that I'm thankful of, and that I can visually represent for you through the wonders of digital camera work!
First, I'm so thankful for my friends. Since I committed to going to China I haven't allowed my heart to go anywhere close to thinking about what it's going to be like to leave these precious people. In the last couple of weeks, however, as God's been opening up my heart to feel deeply again, I have felt a sensation like tearing of roots in my soul as I've thought of saying goodbye; a dull, aching, foreboding. I don't know, I feel like I'm just one of the most blessed people in the world to have men and women surrounding me who are passionate about Christ and knowing him, who are fun, who are real and vulnerable, who are committed to one another, and who enjoy a glass of wine from time to time. Here are a few of them.
I'm incredibly grateful for a beautiful place to live in. Branson, Missouri may not be for everybody, but I feel like my boundary lines have indeed fallen in pleasant places. I've always loved the changing of each season, the variety of colors and temparatures, having water nearby, driving through the hills going to Arkansas. It's just settling to my heart to be in the midst of this beauty.
Finally, I can't even express the gratitude in my heart for the church that I've been able to be a part of here. It's so much more than a church, or maybe its just that it is what a church should be: intentional, relational, Christ-centered, vulnerable, honest, dedicated to Biblical teaching, relevant, and so filled with...love. Deep, whole-hearted love. Three years ago when I went to China for a year, leaving was a completely different experience. My relationships were not as deep, yet my heart was very emotionally dependent on several of them. The times I would get sermon cds in the mail and could hear familiar voices and teaching were like breathing again. Now I've been a part of Harvest for seven years, and my roots are deeply entrenched in the rich, dark soil of these people, these friendships, this community. Young and old, we're a part of each other in a way that just feels so right.
I don't know what the conclusion for this post is. Maybe it is just to say that as my heart has been opened to seeing people again, to loving them deeply, and to desiring to be where I'm at, with what I've got I feel more than ever that I'm home. The eyes I look into, the voices singing with mine, the arms wrapped around me, the food we eat together, the conversations shared, the communion we receive, the joys and struggles walked through. For this time, these
lives are my boundary lines; hemming in my heart's comings and goings.
