Monday Night Lights- PeeWee Pirates

I love my kids, and by "my kids" I mean my students. My boys hold a special place in my heart, because this year they're particularly sweet and soft-hearted. Some of them, sweet as they are, also play football, and for the last week have been BEGGING me to come watch them play between the junior high and junior varsity games that were Monday night. How could I turn them down? My friend Kati went with to keep me company. She's my class helper every Friday afternoon when we're finishing up our crazy day.
















It was just so adorable how excited they were to see me there. Who would think that fifth grade boys would care so much? It made my day!



















These boys were in my class last year.

Thoughts These Days

It seems to be the trend in my blogging life to go for long periods of time without posting anything, and then try to pack the events of several months into a little show and tell. Honestly, the problems is Facebook. It's quick. It's immediately gratifying. People respond to you. It pulls me in. But I don't want to abandon this blog, especially since, hopefully, in about a year it may be one of the main ways I keep in touch with everyone in the US.

That's right. One of the main things going on in life these days is applying to go BACK to China for four years. Two years would be spent in language school, learning Chinese of course; and two years would be spent teaching English in a university! I never expected God to place the desire to live in China again on my heart, but He has, and it's only gotten stronger the more I've considered it. I've completed my part of the application process: answers to essay questions, personality inventories, letters of recommendation, two hour long phone interview. Now all I can do is wait. sigh. Not my favorite thing to do.
When it first came to my mind to go back to China, as I was ending my time in California in August, I was shocked. More at my response than the thought of if. My first reaction was, "Yes! That sounds exciting!" That totally freaked me out, and I don't think I really accepted that it was truly me responding. So, I started taking steps in the process, and talked to a program counselor, who happens to be one of my friends. After the first time I talked to her I felt, still a little apprehensive about, and still couldn't really believe I was wanting to even consider doing this crazy thing again. The thoughts weren't going away though, so I kept taking little steps forward, until, now I find myself waiting in anticipation to hear back if I'm accepted or not! God has been faithfully giving me more and more vision, certainty, and desire the closer I've gotten to this point. His ways are truly so different from ours.

The funny thing is, and this also makes me sad from time to time, that I'm having the best year as a teacher so far. From the beginning of the year, I've felt so much more confident, on top of things, and knowledgable of how do things. I feel like I'm atuned to my kids much more quickly, and know how to handle most things. There are the exceptions of course. :) The community of our school has also been so much better this year, as I've gotten to know the people I work with, and as they've gotten to know me. I keep catching myself saying things like, "Next year I need to..." or, "Next year I should." Then I realize I may not be here. Weird...and kind of sad, but exciting too!

In other news, I'm practicing being more balanced with my other activities. I'm only doing worship once a month at Harvest, and then once a month with Shema. I'm no longer serving on the Mission's Board or leading a WATCH small group of C of O young women. As a result, I've felt much more connected to and responsible with my job responsibilities. I also have more free time on week nights, which has afforded the possibility of addiction, to TV shows. Alas, I'm afraid I am quite in love with Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, and Survivor. And an occasional Extreme Home Makeover or Dancing with the Stars doesn't hurt either. I guess I'm trying to get it all in this year because I may not have access to it next year?

Other than that, there are the constant changes, confrontations, great conversations, and growth in the relationships of my life. Although I'm thankful to have so many deep friendships, sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at the sheer volume of upkeep they take. Also thankfully, much patience and grace is afforded me by my friends, which I have great need of as I become more and more aware of my tendency to make everything into a plan of action or a task to complete.

BONUS!

My sister and her family happened to come to Cali while I was there, and after the wedding I got to go meet them at the beach for a few hours. It was so great to see them all!


Andrea and I. She fell and hurt her lip their first night there. :(














Momma and Andrea. Lori is my oldest sister and she lives in Arizona.













Baby bruver, otherwise known as Junior. :) Isn't that one of the most amazing faces you've seen? I couldn't stop kissing him.










Andrea and I had lots of fun making sand castles and jumping over waves coming in. Her laughter is SO infectious!

August

It's only the 17th, but it feels like the month is almost over. I'll do my best to give a quick recap of what's happened lately, and tell a little bit of what's on the horizon for Erica Smith.

It all started by going to California for two fabulous weeks of fun and wedding festivites with Amy and Monica, and of course, Pat too. The first couple days were spent packing the girls shared apartment, moving Amy and Pat to their new one and Monica to her new one, and cleaning the old one cleaner than it's ever been. :) All of this involved morning coffee runs, late nights, lots of heavy lifting, and millions of ascended and descended stairs. Needless to say we were all dirty, sweaty, and pretty unattractive for these first several days.

The beginning of the next week was great! We got Amy and Pat somewhat settled into their new place, with Mon and I taking over their guest room with our bags and such. The highlight of these days, for me, were the nightly 'hand and foot' games we'd play. It was Mon and I vs. Amy and Pat, and inspite of my serious handicaps (not having played in two years) we held our own. We also went to their church, followed by the beach, and pretty much just relaxed. We started looking and smelling a lot better too. :) Oh yeah, and went to Taco Tuesday at Over the Boarder for 99 cent tacos!

On Wednesday, before the wedding, Amy's college roommate Jana got in town and Pat and I got to meet her for the first time. It was magical. :) Seriously, she's great and I loved getting to know her. Then on Thursday all but one of the groomsmen flew in. Three of them had been in China with Pat at one time or another, so we all had a lot to talk about, and it was so much fun spending time all together. That night we girls went to a Jo Dee Messina concert that was great, except for the crazy pushing lady next to us. Friday we all went to the beach and then hung out at Amy and Pat's that night. Saturday was the rehearsal and dinner, which was super great and fun, and then... the wedding day!

Okay, the big day. Everything turned out just right: the flowers, the weather, the number of people, the food. It was just great. The bride, gorgeous and glowing, was relaxed and the groom was handsome and could hardly keep his hands off his wife. I was seriously impressed by the photographer, the dancing was fun, and Monica's toast was touching and funny. She's brilliant. The day was one of the happiest I've had, and I was so thankful to be a part of it.
Finally, it was over. The day was done. Amy and Pat headed off to Mexico for their honeymoon, and Monica and I enjoyed one last night and morning together. It was really strange saying goodbye and going back to Missouri, like I was time traveling or something. A couple friends took me to the airport and now, here I am, back in my classroom working away. And by working I mean, blogging. :) School starts next Thursday and I've met a few of the kiddos already. Not sure I'm ready, but when are we ever really ready for transitions in our lives? I'm still thinking a lot about boundaries for myself, which things to keep and which to let go of. I'm looking forward to a fun and fruitful school year, and listening for God's continued direction in my life. Hope you enjoyed the saga.

saying "no"

I like very much to think that I'm in control of my life, and in some cases, other people's lives as well. Disgusting, but true. I value my independence, my ability to get things done, my efficiency, my common sense. If there's one thing, or four things, that drive me crazy, it's when other people don't possess these same qualities. I see it as a weakness, and that's when I swoop in to save the day. Again, quite disgusting, but I'm just trying to be honest here. The sad thing is that I don't always realize the affect that such attitudes and beliefs are having on me, until it's too late.

Right now is a too late. Because I think God and others need so much of my help, this spring and summer I have or will sing in five weddings. I'm leading the music for vbs at my church. I'm going to countless wedding, engagement, and baby showers. I'm babysitting for people. I'm going to going away parties, birthday parties, and hang outs. I went to South Dakota, St. Louis, and Kansas City just in June. I'm going to California in August. I need to get in my classroom and get some things done. My car is a mess. I need to get my bridesmaids dress altered and buy shoes, and get a haircut. The list goes on.

I thought I was fine with all of this, until the last week or so. Every night I lie down and just lay there, each of these things racing through my mind, contemplating when to get it all done, which is most important, how much each costs, who I may disappoint, what people will think of me as I perform in each task. Sick. I lay there for an hour or more, my mind like a runaway train, a growing feeling of anxiety and helplessness. Last night at small group I felt frustrated and irritated the whole time, because we were talking about all these deep philosophical things, when I felt so down in the dirty trenches. I felt disconnected and alone. I tried presenting the things to God, asking Him to help me receive His peace, relaxing my body. All the time my jaw is periodically cramping, sending shooting pains up into my head. Clearly, I was nowhere near in control of anything, but my straining to grasp at everything was driving me to this miserable state.

I called Monica at almost one in the morning, my time. I poured out everything to her listening, compassionate ear, and finally had to hear something from her that I knew was true the second she said it. "You have to say no to some things, Erica!" But that means some people might be disappointed in me. They might question my ability to "handle" things. They might not find someone else to do the thing they asked me to do. Someone else may not be able to do it as well. God's will might not be done!!! Hello, Erica!!! I've made a god of myself. Mon encouraged me to drop some things right away and I decided on a few I could do. I didn't go to vbs today, and I'm not going to my friend's photog. studio open house tonight. They seem like little things, but they mean I have to trust God to work in Abby with the music today, and trust that I'll be okay without the social interaction of the open house tonight. It was hard, but I did it.

As a result, I got to run by my school and talk with my principal, drop off my car for a much needed oil change, and walk to Panera to just relax and get caught up with people. Tonight I plan on hanging out at the house. I'm exhausted from not sleeping last night, feel emotionally unstable, but more at rest than I have in a while. I'm trying to think into the school year and what things I need to say no to. Can I juggle teaching, school activities, taking classes, leading a discipleship group, going to small group, leading worship for church and other things, being on the mission's board, maintaining friendships...and still remain healthy and sane? NO! I say no!

And everything will be okay. God is so much greater than little old me or you. He loves us, he invites us into being a part of what he is doing, but he doesn't need us to accomplish His plans. A part of His plan is for us to be conformed to the image of Christ. Jesus didn't strive, he didn't worry, he didn't spend sleepless nights wondering how people were perceiving him or if they liked him. He sought the Father. He listened to the Spirit. He walked and lived in obedience. He had nothing and died a criminal's death, but the Father was well pleased from start to finish.

I got a digital camera! Like my friend Emily, I feel a little frustration at not being able to have a picture of me WITH my new camera, but oh well. :)
Here are a few pictures of life from the last week, taken of course with the afore mentioned camera.

Here's my cute little house. I'm hoping to paint one of the walls a dark brown before summer is over, but the days are flying by.

Kate, Maren and I outside Kate's house. Maren was gone in California for a week, and I was gone in St. Louis before that,

so I feel like I haven't talked to her in a coon's age. Gonna need to remedy that.

Jennifer Freeman and myself after lunch at her house on Sunday afternoon. Isn't that picture just awfully cute? I look forward to a lake date with her on Friday.

Timer pic with the new camera, during a super fun and impromptu game night. I got to hang out with some girls I don't often get to spend time with, which I loved! We had a fantastic meal outide, played Nerts and Mad Gab, and I ended up talking with two of them until 1:30 in the morning! Quite a fabulous night.

Abby and myself teaching the VBS kids our theme song, "God's Kids!" It's a spy kids type theme this year, and is quite tiring when all is said and done. Today we had 15 three and four

year olds. Phew!

Some of the crazy little guys we're hanging out with this week. This class won the competition for having the most friends invited today. They got to wear and keep those snazzy, bright hats and disguises.

Summer time!

My goodness, it's been quite along time since I've put any info on here about what's happening in my crazy little life! Believe me, there's been a lot going on, folks!
First of all, I went on a great weekend camping/floating trip with several wonderful friends from my small group.

The best part of the campout was jumping off this little cliff. It doesn't look very high, unless you're the one up there trying to get up the courage to leap off of it! After encouragment and patience from Rob, I did it!

The extremely low part of the trip would have to be when my stinking suit top broke, giving nearby canoers a bit of a free show. Amazingly I didn't get any beads or bills! :) Casey saved the day by single-handedly rowing us to safety, and my other swimsuit.














Secondly, Kate and I kept up the "end of year do something crazy to our bodies" tradition. That's right, we got tattooskies!!! Kate was as cool as a cucumber, going first and not flinching
once. No hand holding needed for her!

Here's Mikey getting the job done. We were pleasantly surprised to find him to be quite agreeable in every respect. Not a foul word or rude comment made.






It was a little different story for Miss Erica. After Kate's unflinchingness my courage was bolstered and I was ready to go!

After we were a few minutes into it, trying hard not to let myself whince or whine, I took a breath and told them it was hurting pretty badly, and asked if I was just a baby. Kate and Drea were quick to quip up with, "Yes." But Mikey proceeded to say that he hadn't wanted to tell me before that I'd chosen one of the most sensative parts of the body to tattoo.

Thanks, Mikey! Anyhoo, I made it through, with much hand squeezing, concentrated breathing, grimacing, and little breaks for a sip of my iced latte. The end result was well-worth it; a little tree symbolizing Psalm 1- the tree planted by streams of living water, who's leaves don't whither, and who bears fruit in season. Also, Jeremiah 9 (see the bottom of my blog page), and John 15 (abiding and all that).





Finally, Kate and I joined Harvest's annual trip to South Dakota, to minister to our friend Pastor King, who works on the Standing Rock reservation, in the village of Wakpala. Kate has a great blog on all this, which you can go to for further info. I'll just keep mine short and sweet, and say the best parts were growing closer to PK (Pastor King), and spending time with Harvest friends. Here are a few cute pics.


Kate, Sara and I on a walk












The younger end of our group.












Sara, me, Rand, and Kate











I should add a final note about the amount of weddings I've been singing in, but I don't want to depress myself. Not that I hate it, it's just the sheer volume of them of late. I mean, one every month since last October??? That's a little OTT don't you think?