Thoughts These Days

It seems to be the trend in my blogging life to go for long periods of time without posting anything, and then try to pack the events of several months into a little show and tell. Honestly, the problems is Facebook. It's quick. It's immediately gratifying. People respond to you. It pulls me in. But I don't want to abandon this blog, especially since, hopefully, in about a year it may be one of the main ways I keep in touch with everyone in the US.

That's right. One of the main things going on in life these days is applying to go BACK to China for four years. Two years would be spent in language school, learning Chinese of course; and two years would be spent teaching English in a university! I never expected God to place the desire to live in China again on my heart, but He has, and it's only gotten stronger the more I've considered it. I've completed my part of the application process: answers to essay questions, personality inventories, letters of recommendation, two hour long phone interview. Now all I can do is wait. sigh. Not my favorite thing to do.
When it first came to my mind to go back to China, as I was ending my time in California in August, I was shocked. More at my response than the thought of if. My first reaction was, "Yes! That sounds exciting!" That totally freaked me out, and I don't think I really accepted that it was truly me responding. So, I started taking steps in the process, and talked to a program counselor, who happens to be one of my friends. After the first time I talked to her I felt, still a little apprehensive about, and still couldn't really believe I was wanting to even consider doing this crazy thing again. The thoughts weren't going away though, so I kept taking little steps forward, until, now I find myself waiting in anticipation to hear back if I'm accepted or not! God has been faithfully giving me more and more vision, certainty, and desire the closer I've gotten to this point. His ways are truly so different from ours.

The funny thing is, and this also makes me sad from time to time, that I'm having the best year as a teacher so far. From the beginning of the year, I've felt so much more confident, on top of things, and knowledgable of how do things. I feel like I'm atuned to my kids much more quickly, and know how to handle most things. There are the exceptions of course. :) The community of our school has also been so much better this year, as I've gotten to know the people I work with, and as they've gotten to know me. I keep catching myself saying things like, "Next year I need to..." or, "Next year I should." Then I realize I may not be here. Weird...and kind of sad, but exciting too!

In other news, I'm practicing being more balanced with my other activities. I'm only doing worship once a month at Harvest, and then once a month with Shema. I'm no longer serving on the Mission's Board or leading a WATCH small group of C of O young women. As a result, I've felt much more connected to and responsible with my job responsibilities. I also have more free time on week nights, which has afforded the possibility of addiction, to TV shows. Alas, I'm afraid I am quite in love with Heroes, Grey's Anatomy, and Survivor. And an occasional Extreme Home Makeover or Dancing with the Stars doesn't hurt either. I guess I'm trying to get it all in this year because I may not have access to it next year?

Other than that, there are the constant changes, confrontations, great conversations, and growth in the relationships of my life. Although I'm thankful to have so many deep friendships, sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at the sheer volume of upkeep they take. Also thankfully, much patience and grace is afforded me by my friends, which I have great need of as I become more and more aware of my tendency to make everything into a plan of action or a task to complete.