how sweet!

Here is my dear friend, Kate, with her suitor, Nick.
They went to a wedding together last weekend,
where this adorable picture was snapped.

confession: I get mad at my kids

I'm just going to be honest right now. I don't want to be at work today. I have several kids who are driving me crazy and I'd like them to just move away. I don't want to see them anymore, or have to deal with their issues anymore. Seriously. I feel grumpy and like I'm being mean to them all, when it's just a few who deserve the grump. I hate it, but it's what it is at this moment. Just thought I'd confess that.

Why trees?

I love trees. I identify with trees. If I were to get a tattoo, it would be of a twisty tree, that has roots reaching down, and fruit hanging on its branches. I drew one once, but chickened out when it came to actually getting the thing.


When I was little my favorite time of day, the time that felt soft and full of peace, was when the sun was setting and the trees made long, cool, shadows across the lawn. Even now, when I see this, I can almost feel the calm, cool, shadowy, green grass in my heart. That speaks of God to me, and how He is our place of quiet refuge.


I like trees because they are strong and sturdy. They can grow anywhere, even out of cracks in the side of a cliff, or in an open field. They make me want to be that strong, that steadfast, that rooted into the soil. They remind me I can't be like that unless I have dirt to wrap around, light to warm and give energy, and water to slurp up to the tip of each limb and stick.

Trees change with the seasons; lush and green when the water is a plenty, vibrantly painted when death is approaching, bare and black against blue sky while awaiting warmth and buds again. They are honest, showing what they are, what they have to offer, what they need and are waiting for. We don't look at a tree in winter and wonder why it isn't pretty and green and giving us fruit. Why do we look at a friend, also in a time of winter, and expect them to be shading us, feeding us, looking pretty? At the same time, the essence of that tree is still present: it's roots still strain down deeper, its bark continues to wrap around its sturdy trunk, limbs reach upward and out. The hope is still there. It still has a future.

The final reason I feel drawn to trees is because of how they are spoken of in the Word. Psalm 1 says that the man who delights in the law (in knowing and following God's ways), will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water; while in chapter 52 the Psalmist declares, "I am like a green olive tree in the house of God." Proverbs says that wisdom is a "tree of life to those who take hold of her and happy are those who hold her fast."

I'll say with the Psalmist, not that I want to be a tree, but that I AM a tree. I have been planted firmly in the house of God- planted by a stream of living water, provided with all I need to grow, but not necessarily sheltered from the weather. Regardless of the climate I live in, I want to produce fruit, provide shade, have leaves that won't whither, bring life into dead places. I will be a tree.

Here are a few pictures of some of my favorite people: my small group!

Chillin' at Kate's house: Angie, Emily, Jimbo, and ME!
Going to see a movie in Springfield after a bad ice storm: Nick, Kate, me, Maren, Rob, and Tim
Kate and Nick
Back: Dave, Rob, me
Middle: Nate, Sandy, Maren, Leah, Casey
Front: Nick, Kate, Sean, Angie

The truth

Okay, this is the last one today. I kind of get obsessed when I start something new. This was so profound, though. I just had to share it.

Remembering and Looking Forward

One of the most streeeetching and life-changing things I ever did was to live in China for a year. Throughout the year I experienced every emotion one could feel, all heightened by the fact that I was in a foreign country, removed from any of the things I would normally have clung to and found comfort in. Thus the stretching. :)

Months before I left I began to feel a deep sense of sadness at the thought of leaving the community of friends I had been growing up in for the previous five years. I couldn't imagine how God could possible provide that same sense of comfort, familiarity, and depth of relationship anywhere else, much less in a shorter period of time. I remember getting to Beijing in the fall of 2004, and sitting in my new apartment at 21st Century Experimental School for the first time. It was quiet, completely barren and whitewashed. My few things were settled into my bedroom, and my new teammates were settling into their own. With the sun shining through the hazy sky and into my bedroom window I felt so alone, unknown, and overwhelmed at what lay ahead of me. Not for the first time, I was wondering how in the crap I got to be there, and if I was really going to make it through the year.

I was away from home, community, church, family; Wal-Mart and GAP; people who stand in lines and value personal space and efficiency. In those first months in Beijing there were so many times I felt so incredibly misunderstood, so strained from trying to know and understand my teammates, so exhausted from the constant rubbing of western culture against Chinese culture. Homesickness plagued my heart every single day, made worse by the lack of communication. Somehow in the midst of it all there was a purpose and plan, and two friendships that would become a part of my life forever.

Amy and Monica. Yes, girls. This is for you. The first time I met them in California I was completely intimidated by their confidence, their ease in interacting with anyone, their cute clothes and hair and their tans. :) It sounds so silly now, but I never imagined these two girls would play such influential roles in my year and the rest of my life. I never imagined they would become a place of refuge and hope for my soul. That sounds dramatic, but it was!

Immediately after we got to the school I started seeing who these women really were, and they were just as lonely, scared, and weak as I was! This weakness began to draw us together as we shared every minute of every day with each other and others on our teams. Learning Chinese, trying to speak it to order food and find our way around town, watching Alias and Survivor, teaching joys and frustrations, challenging team dynamics, and all the gory parts of our hearts on display. We had no choice but to walk through it together. Now I see it was a beautiful road of surrender and trust. Then it only felt like pulling, straining, and pain.

I was amazed at the way Amy began pursuing me as a friend; asking me all kinds of questions about my life, my past, college, my family. She wanted to know everything, and that translated to my heart that she wanted to know ME. Monica exhibited such grace inviting me into her already established friendship with Amy, extending the hospitality of her grander apartment and comfort foods from home. In many ways I think we became a home for each other, so that even now when we're together, there is that sense of knowing, safety, history, and commitment that is attached with how you feel when you think of your family or the house you grew up in. There is an eternal value and reality to it that makes my heart truly yearn to be near them. Who would have thought?

The point of all this is, God can create community, relationships, and wholeness wherever and whenever He desires to. He can use the most unlikely people and bring it out of the most unlikely places. The key ingredients are His sovereign knowledge of our hearts, and our willingness to respond to His call to trust Him. We walk out of a particular place and time and realize the treasure that is the life of Jesus has only increased within us. And our boastings of His working all things for our good become a springboard for another's faith to move deeper into a life of trusting our steadfast and unchanging God.

newbie

So, I finally made one of these because Kate wanted me too. I'm not confident that my blogs will be as interesting, humerous, or picture-filled as hers are, but I'll do the best I can I guess.

Here's a start at the picture part! Kate, my sister and I "shoveling" snow. Kate had actually already done all the shoveling, but she wanted a posed picture anyway. :)